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Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland
The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland is the political ruler of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. The monarchy can overrule him at any time, however, because it's the United Kingdom. The prime minister is elected by Parliament, which is basically a more British version of Congress that does not have a widespread fetish for sixteen-year-old pages, although plans are in the works. The official acronym for the title of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland is PMUKGBI, which sounds like a noise that a baby would make right before hacking up a wad of spit-up onto a plush carpet or portrait of Stephen Colbert. List of Prime Ministers of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Prime Ministers 1700s 1. Sir Robert Walpole (1721–1742) -- Whig * The first real Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. * Did a bad job fighting over Jenkins' ear. Only Europeans (and possibly Canadians) are pathetic enough to fight over the butler's ear. 2. The Earl of Wilmington (1742–1743) -- Whig * Had no name. * Made people pay a lot of money to buy beer. * Kind of a dumbass. 3. Henry Pelham (1743–1754) -- Whig * Reorganized the Royal Navy. * Was too much of a pussy to reorganize the Royal Army. * Could not find the Royal Air Force amidst all of the clutter. 4. The Duke of Newcastle (1754–1756) -- Whig * As with the Earl of Wilmington, had no name. * Built a new castle. * Fought the pansy-ass French in North America, as if America did not even exist at all. This was generally regarded as a horribly insensitive move, but everybody approved of France getting its ass kicked. 5. The Duke of Devonshire (1756–1757) -- Whig * See: William Pitt the Elder 6. The Duke of Newcastle-upon-Tyne (1757–1762) -- Whig * Basically just the Duke of Newcastle once the new castle had been built...upon Tyne. * Did not do anything spectacular. 7. The Earl of Butt (1762–1763) -- Tory * The first Tory Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. * Tory is a girl's name, though, which means that the Earl of Butt was probably either gay or transgender (same thing anyway). 8. George Grenville (1763–1765) -- Whig * The first Prime Minister of United Kingdom that Americans might have actually heard of. * Infamous for antagonizing the American colonies and making George Washington very angry. * Introduced the Stamp Act of 1765. * Samuel Adams reportedly refused to sell Prime Minister Grenville beer. 9. The Marquis of Rockingham (1765–1766) -- Whig * Repealed the Stamp Act. * Had a French title and no name. * Rocked that ham like The Clash rocked the casbah. 10. William Pitt the Elder (1766–1768) -- Whig * Created the British Empire and is thus indirectly On Notice. * Beat up the French some more. 11. The Duke of Grafton (1768–1770) -- Whig * Again, had no name. * Was nice to the American colonies, but ultimately George Grenville had pissed them off way too much. 12. Lord North (1770–1782) -- Tory * Narrowly won the position of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom over his archnemesis, Lord South. * Was a gay Tory. * Let America win World War 0; either that, or was just really bad at managing wars. * Ruled for a long time until being toppled when Parliament said that they didn't think that he was doing a good job anymore. 13. The Marquis of Rockingham (1782–1782) -- Whig * Made everybody excited when he came back, then suddenly died sixteen weeks after assuming the prime ministership. The British were left devastated. 14. The Earl of Shelburne (1782–1783) -- Whig * Had no name. * Burned shells. * Made peace with the United States to avoid getting the British's uppity, tea-drinking asses whupped by General George Washington. * Decided to show mercy to France and Spain instead of continuing to beat on them. 15. The Duke of Portland (1783–1783) -- Whig * Had no name. * Is notable for being the only Oregonian Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. * Got bitch-slapped by King George III, demonstrating the power of the crown over the power of the plain old hat that the prime minister wears. 16. William Pitt the Younger (1783–1801) -- Tory * Was the son of William Pitt the Elder, but didn't even have the bloody decency to share his politics. * Hated slavery. * Reformed rotten boroughs, which are like vegetables controlled by evil guys and with people in them. * Went to war with France again! Prime Ministers 1800s 17. Henry Addington (1801–1804) -- Tory * Stubbornly refused to subtract. Ever. * Surrendered to France. What a gaywad. 18. William Pitt the Younger (1804–1806) -- Tory * Went back to war with France. Good man. * Got Sweden to fight. Against France. Kickass. 19. Lord Grenville (1806–1807) -- Whig * Was probably a clone of George Grenville in disguise. 20. The Duke of Portland (1807–1809) -- Tory * Did nothing, prompting many to wonder, "Where is the prime minister?" The answer: in Portland, that city that he built in Oregon, probably smoking marijuana and getting an abortion. * Was eventually euthanized, ending his prime ministership. 21. Spencer Perceval (1809–1812) -- Tory * Spelled his last name wrong. * Fought Napoleon Bonaparte, the President of France. * Got assassinated because people hated him for losing battles against the French. 22. The Earl of Liverpool (1812–1827) -- Tory * Had no name. * Was the Earl (whatever that is) of Liverpool, where The Beatles came from. 23. George Canning (1827–1827) -- Tory * Died about two seconds after taking office. Loser. 24. Viscount Goderich (1827–1828) -- Tory * Universally hated despite his bitchin' first name, Viscount. 25. The Duke of Wellington (1828–1830) -- Tory * Fought a duel to pass the Catholic Emancipation Bill. That takes an almost American level of ballsiness. 26. Earl Grey (1830–1834) -- Whig * Was a truly tea-loving prime minister. * Has been best remembered as Jean-Luc Picard's favorite Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. 27. Viscount Melbourne (1834–1834) -- Whig * Australia's most beloved Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. * Resigned because King William IV thought that he sucked. 28. Sir Robert Peel (1834–1835) -- Conservative * Was a Conservative. That has to be a good thing. * Did not rule for nearly long enough. 29. Viscount Melbourne (1835–1841) -- Whig * He's baaaaaaaaaack... * Tutored Queen Victoria in her childhood. * Didn't pay much attention to the rest of the British Empire, probably. 30. Sir Robert Peel (1841–1846) -- Conservative * Another retro-PMUKGBI. * Passed a bunch of weird British laws. 31. Lord John Russell (1846–1852) -- Whig * More funky British law stuff... * Reminded people that Australia was still part of the British Empire at this time. 32. The Earl of Derby (1852–1852) -- Conservative * The first Prime Minister of Great Britain and Ireland in twenty-two years to not have a real name. 33. The Earl of Aberdeen (1852–1855) -- Peelite * Entered into the Crimean War to fight Communism. * Was the only Peelite Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland ever. 34. Viscount Palmerston (1855–1858) -- Whig * Put India in its place, establishing a proud British tradition that would last for another ninety years. 35. The Earl of Derby (1858–1859) -- Conservative * Emphasized compassionate conservatism by giving Jews rights. 36. Viscount Palmerston (1859–1865) -- Liberal * Betrayed Whig values (whatever a Whig is) by founding the Liberal Party before getting appointed to office. * Died in office. Served the slimy liberal bastard right. 37. Earl Russell (1865–1866) -- Liberal * Was another Liberal. 38. The Earl of Derby (1866–1868) -- Conservative * Widely acknowledged to have fathered the modern Conservative Party during his third term in office. The mother is unknown. 39. Benjamin Disraeli (1866–1868) -- Conservative * Was the only Jewish Prime Minister of the United Kingdom ever. * Knew how to get his way, as evidenced by his dissolution of Parliament because the Conservatives did not hold a majority there. 40. William Ewart Gladstone (1868–1874) -- Liberal * Could not even keep the French in check and they went and started the Franco-Prussian War, but he couldn't do jack squat about it. * Weak, liberal prime minister. 41. Benjamin Disraeli (1874–1880) -- Conservative * Came to the rescue and initiated reforms to save the U.K. from collapse under Liberal rule. * Ultimately set the stage for World War I, which involved America winning. Definitely a good thing. 42. William Ewart Gladstone (1880–1885) -- Liberal * Went to war against South Africa in the First Boer War and got a lot of British soldiers killed. * Failed to rescue General George Charles Gordon from Khartoum, Sudan. * The above two incidences may or may not have actually taken place, as they were located in Africa. Nobody noticed much regardless. 43. The Marquis of Salisbury (1885–1886) -- Conservative * Invented a tasty steak, which he named after himself. 44. William Ewart Gladstone (1886–1886) -- Liberal * Probably didn't even get appointed to the prime ministership and just took over anyway. Nobody seemed to want him back, anyway. 45. The Marquis of Salisbury (1886–1892) -- Conservative * Ensured that Ireland would never be independent, ever. 46. William Ewart Gladstone (1892-1894) -- Liberal * Just couldn't get the hint and accept that nobody wanted him to be prime minister. * Finally resigned for good. Jesus. 47. The Earl of Rosebery (1894–1895) -- Liberal * Did what liberals do best and caused internal strife within his party. 48. The Marquis of Salisbury (1895–1902) -- Conservative * Presided over the British Empire during the Second Boer War in Southern Africa, which probably never happened. * Watched the Wright Brothers fly the world's first airplane in the United States while the United Kingdom sat on its ass and pretended that Africa wasn't a myth just to be able to claim that they were actually worth something. * Granted Australia independence as long as they promised to still obey the crown of England. Prime Ministers 1900s 49. Arthur Balfour (1902–1905) -- Conservative * Didn't get along very well with King Edward VII, who must have been a liberal. 50. Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman (1905–1908) -- Liberal * Allied with Russia, allowing Communism to pervade the British Empire. 51. H. H. Asquith (1908–1916) -- Liberal * Ruled the U.K. during the part of World War I where the British were losing. * Let women vote. * Basically was a bad prime minister. 52. David Lloyd George (1916–1922) -- Conservative * Joked about being Liberal, but was obviously a red-blooded Conservative. * Helped America win World War I. * Absolutely did not allow the independence of Ireland. That's a dirty lie. 53. Andrew Bonar Law (1922–1923) -- Conservative * Living (barely) proof that the Law is a sick thing. 54. Stanley Baldwin (1923–1924) -- Liberal * Did not really do that much, so Conservative In Name Only (CINO) and therefore a Liberal. 55. Ramsey MacDonald (1924–1924) -- Labor * First Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from the Labor Party. * Spelled "Labor" wrong. It's "Labor", not "Labour"! 56. Stanley Baldwin (1924–1929) -- Liberal * Did not like war. * Gave women more rights. * Still a CINO. 57. Ramsey MacDonald (1929–1935) -- Labor/National Labor * Used his labor to help pull through the Great Depression. * Left the Labor Party to form the National Labor Party, which was like a pussified Labor Party. 58. Lucky the Leprechaun (1935-1935) -- Leprechaun * Was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland for a few weeks in 1935 because a United Kingdom including Ireland needed to have a twentieth-century Irish prime minister sooner or later. * Abdicated his office as soon as those kids who are always chasing him in commercials caught up with him; his last speech as prime minister was short and succinct: "They're after me Lucky Charms!" And just like that, Lucky was gone. 59. Stanley Baldwin (1935–1937) -- Liberal * Was too much of a CINO to stop Adolf Hitler from rearming. * Ultimately may have done the right thing, as World War II undoubtedly earned America its rightful place amongst the top guns of the world. * Still a pansy Liberal, if only in secret. 60. Neville Chamberlain (1937–1939) -- Conservative * Set up American victory in World War II brilliantly by failing to do anything worthwhile to prevent its outbreak. * Took one for the team. * A great man, as British people go. 61. Winston Churchill (1939–1945) -- Conservative * Was, by far, the most awesome Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland who had ever ruled up until now. * Kicked German ass during World War II. * Was a good buddy of America. * Embodied strong conservatism. 62. Clement Attlee (1945–1951) -- Labor * Was the prime minister at the end of World War II. * Together with Captain America, destroyed all remaining Nazis (such as the Red Skull). * Let Gandhi run away with India because taking care of the big jungle had gotten boring. * Helped found NATO, which is a powerful military alliance created to spread democracy through the use of bombs. 63. Winston Churchill (1951–1955) -- Conservative * Fought against a lot of uprisings and other annoyances. * Was a knight this time around and made people call him "Sir". 64. Sir Anthony Eden (1955–1957) -- Conservative * Allowed Egypt to nationalize the Suez Canal in order to be able to invade them. * Was another great conservative wartime leader. 65. Harold Macmillan (1957–1963) -- Conservative * Initially wanted to join the European Economic Community, but then decided that the United Kingdom didn't need those snobby Continental European brats. * Talked back to the Soviets and was assertive. Cool. 66. Sir Alec Douglas-Home (1963–1964) -- Conservative * Used to be the Earl of Home, but decided that he missed having a real name and renounced his earlship shortly after taking office as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. 67. Harold Wilson (1964–1970) -- Labor * Flip-flopped wildly on the National Plan for the British economy. * Vowed to return upon leaving office, just like General Douglas MacArthur vowed to return to the Philippines during World War II upon arriving in Australia. 68. Edward Heath (1970–1974) -- Conservative * Created the Heath bar. * Led an old-fashioned cavalry charge against rioting leprechauns in Ireland. It was massively successful, and a famous photograph taken of the battle was widely syndicated and published in newspapers around the world. 69. Harold Wilson (1974–1976) -- Labor * Accepted the position of 69th Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and all of the sexual connotations that came along with that title. * Had sex more than 785,095,848 times during this second term. 70. James Callaghan (1976–1979) -- Labor * Didn't do much except for some British economy gibberish that no proper American can possibly understand. 71. Margaret Thatcher (1979–1990) -- Conservative * The first and, to date, the only female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. * Was voted "Pink Floyd's Favorite Prime Minister" for four years running. * Waged the Falklands War against Argentina, which was a massive success for the forces of the U.K. * Presided over the United Kingdom and supported Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States of America, as he made Mikhail Gorbachev tear down the Berlin Wall. The moment reportedly brought tears to the eyes of every past and present member of Pink Floyd, including even Syd Barrett, a confirmed nutter who probably wasn't even watching it on TV when it happened. This moment probably clinched Thatcher's popularity with the progressive rock band. * One of the finest PMUKGBIs ever, despite her being a woman. * First woman discovered to posess Thatchers. 72. John Major (1990–1997) -- Conservative * Led the United Kingdom through America's success in the Gulf War. * Beat up John Minor in a bar fight one time. 73. Tony Blair (1997–2007) -- Labor * Has the proud distinction of being U.S. President George W. Bush's best friend. * Together with the United States of America and the fine Coalition of the Willing, invaded Iraq and put Saddam Hussein out of power. * Passed the Human Rights Act. * Often made prime ministerial speeches outside 10 Downing Street with a mug in one hand. The mug later sold on ebay for £1.76 after a furious bidding war that made headlines around the world. * You decide: great prime minister, or the greatest prime minister? Prime Ministers 2000s 74. Gordon Brown (2007-2010) -- Labor * Scotch. Or Scots. Or Scottish. * Is not warm and cuddly, like Tony Blair was and is. * Only has one eye. * May have had a mild stroke at some point. 75. David Cameron (2010-present)-- Conservative * Is the first Prime Minister who rides a bike * Is the first Prime Minister since Margaret Thatcher to have a pair of Thatchers * Formed a coalition government with his best friend Nick Clegg. It was later discovered they were separated at birth. See also * United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland * President of the United States of America * Prime minister * Prime rib